Thursday, June 30, 2011

Toss Your Expectations Into the Ocean

So lately I have not been myself... letting myself get stressed and depressed and not being able to figure out why... now stress and depressed that just seems to happen sometimes....BUT not being able to figure out my next move.... that is the one that has thrown me for a loop. And then like an answer from heaven
I got this great email from "Zen Habits" and there it was.... my answer!

To realize that all my stress, frustration, disappointment, anger, irritation, pissed-offedness comes from one little thing? ME!!!  I have been setting myself up for all of this without even realizing it by MY expectations... of myself and mostly of others. I build up all these expectations in my head of what other people should do, what my life should be like, how other people should behave
and yet it’s all fantasy. It’s not real.

 It is in my mind...

So here is my plan... I am going to take ALL my expectations, and throw them in the ocean.

Wanting a parent to act like a parent instead of friend isn't going to happen, and there is nothing I can do to make it happen so I am picking that one up and throwing it into the ocean (ok I don't have an ocean but my pond!)

Wanting a lazy teen to stop acting like a prima donna that she  has become and thinking I can control it is crazy!

Wanting another to get it together and realizing that partying all the time isn't going to make life better but harder... another expectation I need to let go! PLOP!

Wanting my parents to have control over their lives instead of giving it all away to a dream that may or may not happen.   
Bye!Bye... these are things I can not control, these are things I am not meant to control... these are trials I am not meant to fix or CONTROL. There are things in life that I have to let others learn.

SO I am going  to picture  all the expectations I have for myself, my life, my MR, my kids, and the world.
Pick up an expectation and let it go... watching the rippling effects as it is carried away... never to be mine again.
I am going to let them go, I am going to stop letting my expectations control my life.

NOW I will live my life without them.

I will accept reality as it is, without trying to force people into MY way of thinking, my way of parenting, my way of handling a situation.... . 

Life where I am  NOT disappointed or frustrated or angry because people aren't living the way I want them to. So hard but so worth it if I can learn to walk in a world excepting  people for who they are. Doing what I do because  it is what I want to do, not because I expect something in return. Accepting how things are not the way I want them to be. It will take some time to learn this new behavior and make it happen but I am determined to do it.



  1. Wow Rachel...great decision. LOVE Zen Habits too. If it was me, I'd have to bookmark this post to remind myself regularly!

  2. It is sooo hard to let expectations go, isn't it? But sometimes I think, we have to. Or we'll go crazy. It's then that I always think to pray...isn't that sad. Prayer should be first, but so often I see it as a last resort, like God doesn't need to be bothered by my troubles that maybe I can fix myself. But I never do a good job of it. Said a prayer for you, friend. What an honest post.

  3. Blessings to you. I hope you can stand by your decision and get something good from it. Sometimes giving up on a situation seems so much harder than the pain and minutia of dealing with it. Saying a prayer that you'll find peace with all of it soon.

  4. Yes, it is so hard to do - especially when you see your kids making mistakes you have made and they just don't listen. You have to let the screw up and let them learn from it. BUT, you can do it. Throw all those expectations in the pond!

    I've missed ya!

  5. Perfectly put. I struggle with this too! I think mine also centers around expectations for myself. I feel like I need to be this ideal mom, wife, friend, and I'm not! I am getting at being good enough, but it's a process.

  6. Good for you Rachel. I think we could all do a little better in this area. It's very hard. Life would be much more pleasant if I stopped worrying about things I can't control.

  7. Well said Rachel! We could all take a lesson from this post. I need to let a lot of things go. But I don't have an ocean or a pond. Maybe I'll flush them down the toilet! =)

  8. You go girl !
    I had 7 years of stress and depression while going through menopause and often had to let go of many things that were causing it all to free and open myself for blessings to flow !


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